A Short Tale of Summer: Fun in the Sun + Fashion

With summer just around the corner, I feel the need to express myself: I love summer here in the U.S. (where there is air conditioning...not so much in South Korea, where I had a stand alone fan, sweated like a frog peeing through its skin and a broken radial head on my right arm, but I digress...).  

There is so much to love about summer here.  Let's take activities, for instance.  My personal favorite activity in the summer is sitting outside at a bar/beer garden like Cicero's or McGurk's in Soulard and enjoying a nice lager or hefeweizen with a good friend whilst having good conversation. 

Then there's going to the pool, which, hopefully you have a friend who has one that you can mooch off of in order to do this (if you are that friend, suck it up and enjoy the socialization that comes along with your awesome pool, and deal with the fact that other people hate you because you have one.  You are "cool" and get "friends" by default.  All you have to do is provide the PBR, so deal. Yup, I said it).  I myself spent many years sneaking into the Wildhorse subdivision pool here in Chesterfield and not signing in, or signing in as my then-friend Lisa Becker who used to live there.  I'm fairly certain they didn't do background checks.  Either way, I was able to get my tan on (or get my skin-cancer and early wrinkle development on, guess the joke was really on me).

There are many other activities to enjoy, such as BBQs, picnics, hanging out in the park, outdoor concerts, the list goes on.

But that's not why I'm writing this, or why I love summer in the U.S.

I love summer in the U.S. because of the FASHION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you really that surprised?  It IS me.

Summer means bright colors, beachy accessories such as sunglasses and nautical jewelry, swimsuits, shorts, dresses, mini-skirts, open-toed shoes, rompers, and my ABSOLUTE favorite, lots and lots and lots of DENIM! :D  Wow I'm capitalizing a lot of things in this post.  I just get really excited when it comes to fashion--and apparently, acronyms like BBQ, PBR and U.S. 

As I'm better at showing than telling when it comes to clothing, I'm going to show you some awesome items I'm diggin' on here for summer...tell me what you think, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! :D

Happy ALMOST summer! <3 

Anna

BDJ Neon Grazer Mid-Rise Jean in Pink available from Urban Outfitters

Denim Schoolbag in Light Vintage Denim/Natural also from Urban Outfitters

Stay on trend with this ASOS Cute Peplum Mini Skirt in black at ASOS.com

(in fact, I love this whole outfit...it just WORKS!)

Starfish Necklace by Lucky Brand--also has a cute bracelet that matches!

Linen Pinstripe Women's Wedges by TOMS

Mara Hoffman's King Tut Tank Maillot at Bonadrag.com

J.Crew Collection Silk Crepe Top Printed Popover

Freepeople.com Key Biscayne Blouse (FP Exclusive)

That's it for now, ladies and gents!! Just thought I'd share...:)

  

The Twenty-Fifth Tale: When Relationships Never Happen...

Hi all,

I was reading my sister Solange's blog this morning about how she was inspired by an article on Jezebel.com entitled "When Motherhood Never Happens".  I, of course, was curious and read the article (that was linked on her blog).  Interestingly enough, I had been pondering this topic recently myself, as well as the issue of relationships.  Read on for more thoughts.

Practically the entire time I was in Europe, I really wanted to find a man to be in a romantic relationship with.  I remember one particular day when I went with my host family to the nearby town of Rimini to hang out by the seaside.  I don't know if  I was dehydrated or what, but there was a particular moment where my iPod started playing the song, "It Might be You", the song written by Stephen Bishop as the theme for the well-loved 80's movie "Tootsie" with Dustin Hoffman.  It suddenly seemed as if time slowed down: I saw moms with their babies in their adorable little sun-hats, couples looking lovingly at each other, friends connecting, children playing...it was like a scene from a Seurat painting, only better; more vivid, more real, and much more beautiful.  In that moment, I got that life is all about the connections we make with other people, and in that moment and for quite a while after, I craved those deep and lasting connections.  

There will always be a part of me that wants those connections.  I am a loving person who needs love in her life to feel fulfilled.  What's different now as opposed to when I was in Europe, though, is that I value the connections I have already much more, and I see that they do exist in the form of friends and family.  Even when I doubt it, I know I have people that love me, whom I love back.  I don't think that I really saw that before-I have always been the kind of person that has looked outside herself to try to find the answers to the emotional questions within.  Now I've realized that, in addition to having other people who love me, I also love myself, and I will always be there for me.  I think it took losing one of my best friends in the world for me to see that, but I get it now.

When it came to the issue of having a relationship, once I came back home and got the love and stability "fix" I needed from family and the environment, I realized, hey, guess what?! I feel like me again-and that need for a romantic relationship has since subsided.  I guess I was just lonely, vulnerable, and craving stability.  

Well, okay.  I'm not closed to the possibility that it could one day happen for me; that I could find someone I want to share my time and experiences with-- I just really don't feel that I want that at the moment.   I used to almost crave a relationship, marriage, kids, the whole deal.  Now I'm doubting whether or not I even want to have kids.  I think they're adorable, I don't have the saliva/vomit/baby poop phobia like my sister does, but I am feeling downright selfish.  I still have so much to do that doesn't involve settling down and/or raising children.  I guess I could always just strap on a Babybjorn and take the kid with me around the world as I go, but it seems a little unfair to them.  I dunno, it's like in that Jezebel article, I'm undecided and therefore decided thus far.  Oh, and my ovaries are shriveling. Tick, tock.   

Anyway, back to relationships.  I always have said, "well, if I met a great guy"....yadda yadda yadda, but the fact is, I've met great guys.  I've met TONS of great guys, and I've dated great guys.  I just never feel fully connected, and I'm at the point where I'm tired of trying to force it if it doesn't feel natural to me. 

Speaking of which, I have begun to doubt the idea that "the one" is a real concept.  I had always believed this, but am really reconsidering.  It's not being cynical, seriously-it just seems to make more sense to me now.  I think that for a woman, the formation of a stable, great relationship can come down to four key factors, with a "wild card" factor thrown in: compatibility, attraction, stability, choice, and the wild card: a situational bonding experience. 

Let me explain: If you get along well with the person, are attracted to them (physically and/or mentally), are truly receptive to the idea of a relationship and in a stable place mentally and physically, you may choose that person, feeling that you were meant for each other--when really, maybe you were, maybe you weren't.  Anybody's guess.  The "wild card" I mentioned is valid when the stability factor isn't present, which can create more intense feelings of attraction and compatibility.  I am thinking specifically of a friend of mine who met her current fiancee abroad while they were taking a TEFL course together, and she had a very intense medical situation happen there that needed emergency attention.  The guy was by her side through it all, and they bonded.  Obviously, when one person helps another through a traumatic emotional situation, there is the potential for an instant bond to be created.

Anyway, all I'm sayin' is, I've never had the magic recipe for creating a stable relationship, and I don't know if I ever will.  And, though I don't like to start a sentence with "and", that's okay.  :)

I've said it about relationships, Dodai Stewart (Jezebel.com article author) and my sister can say the rest about what happens next...(first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...um, now what?)

Much love,

Me :) <3

The Twenty-Fourth Tale: Almost the Quarter of a Century...Makes a Girl Think...

Oh my! 


I have this lovely blank screen in front of me, waiting for me to make it come to life with my scribbles and thoughts. Isn't that nice? 


It's been a long time, and a lot has happened in the space between the last post and now. This blank screen and my attitude toward it are a metaphor for my future, though I will admit I have some preliminary sketches laid out...;). 


So. I came back to the U.S. over Christmastime and made a very difficult decision not to return to Spain; to plant my feet on what felt like solid ground for a while. I needed something to do in the meantime here, something that would make me feel valuable, and with my mom's support I was able to explore something I always thought would be fun: starting a personal shopping business. To make a really long story short, I threw myself into this pursuit for a few months and had some fun. I helped out three really wonderful ladies and made some fashion connections here in St. Louis. 


In general, I have had a really pleasant time in St. Louis. I have been able to reconnect and feel at peace for a while, to listen to myself without the constant stress of external unfamiliar or un-stimulating stimuli. I have met some great new friends and strengthened some acquaintance connections into real friendships. I have been able to focus on my health and dedicate myself to an exercise regimen. I have everything to be thankful for, and I guess sometimes it just takes slowing down a little for me to realize that. 


It is in these moments of peace that I am, again, inexplicably drawn to the excitement of traveling. Some people create drama in their personal lives for excitement or listen to celebrity drama stories; I travel. You are probably saying, "Seriously, Anna? After all THAT, you're going to travel again?!" Trust me, I've heard it more than once from outsiders peering into my (at times, crazy) life. Although, I have to say that good friends didn't seem at all surprised when I told them that I have decided to go back to Korea for a second round. It seems that those people know me better than I thought. In fact, they seemed much more surprised when I said I was starting a business here in St. Louis! Go figure ;). So yes, I am returning to Seoul, South Korea in order to teach English as a Second Language (ESL) at an elementary/middle school, and am truly looking forward to it!!!!!!! 


The European experience I had was amazing but a bit overwhelming...I think that while I love to travel, I have learned that too many changes in such a short amount of time is really too stressful for me to deal with. The great thing about Korea is that this time I'll know a little bit more what to expect as far as the culture and language are concerned, and I'll also have the continuity of being in the same place for a year (which is just long enough, I think). I also have a great support network of friends still over there, so I won't feel as lonely as I have felt traveling the last couple of times. So see, there is still some stability within my instability. ;) 


Anyway, part of the reason I made this decision was a life changing event that occurred here which threw things off kilter a bit. I got rejected from UMASS-Amherst's Social Justice Education (SJE) program, the one program I applied to for graduate school and the only one I was interested in pursuing. Although at that time I was waffling a little bit about whether or not I would go anyway because I had just started the personal shopping business, I still wanted to have that option. When that option was taken away, I was surprised at just how disappointed I really was. So, I tried to pursue the shopping business, and convinced myself that SJE just wasn't for me. 


About a month later, I began feeling lost and slightly useless, and my passion for the shopping business started to dwindle.  That's when I realized I wanted to go back to Korea.  Talking to my mom about it made me remember how much I missed certain things about it, and the thought of being gainfully employed and making money and being independent all came into play.  


Still, that's not all.  About a week after I made that decision, I began wistfully looking at SIT's graduate program in Intercultural Service, Leadership, and Management. Then all of a sudden, it hit me, out of the blue. I had an idea for what I think will be an amazing program that I can begin to implement in Korea, and it combines a little bit of everything that I love (okay, except fashion...but I'm sure there's a way to integrate that, too). It combines cultural diversity awareness with customer service, travel, writing, socializing, organizing, selling, marketing, promoting...everything! 


The program is still new and in the works, so I'm not going to give details yet. Plus, I don't want anyone to steal my idea ;). But, once it's up and running, I'll let everyone know what's up. As of now, I'm waiting for my Criminal Record Check to come back from the FBI and for my passport to come back from the renewal center, and once I have them back it will probably take another couple of weeks for me to get everything processed. That being said, I'll probably be ready to go by late June at the earliest and late July at the latest. 


I'll keep everyone posted, and I'll definitely be blogging pre and post Korea trip pt. 2. 


 Much love and hope everyone is well! 


 <3, Me

The Twenty-Third Tale: Lock and Key

Every time in the last three months that I've sat down in front of this blog to write something, my mind just has gone blank. The crazy thing is that I'll be out and about on the train and something, some detail will happen and I think "Man, I gotta write about this gorgeous moment..." but then the memory passes and I can't, or I start to write and nothing seems to do the memory justice.

This time of traveling has been, I believe, more formative in many ways than before. Every once in a while in life I feel like a hamster on a metal wheel, learning some of the same lessons over and over again, with the same feelings attached to the experiences. At the moment, I suppose my wheel should be more exciting than most, being tinged with bravas sauce and chocolate and all.

There are more ups and downs here, lots of vulnerability--which is positive in that it seems to bring out the creativity in me, and it forces me to evolve as a person, even though I sometimes feel stagnant. I read the other day in part of Gail Sheehy's book "Passages", which my mom recommended to me, an analogy she gives about stages of life being comparable to a lobster whose shell is re-growing. She says with each stage in life you become more vulnerable, but you are also ready for evolution. I realize that I do feel saturated in life, a part of it, when I'm feeling a bit melancholy. I guess that's what draws most of us to drama, especially those "creative types". The challenge lies in not wallowing in it, and not creating my own drama for the sake of feeling like a participant.

Life here in Madrid is okay. That's such a blah word because on the whole, that's how I've felt here. It's a feeling compartmentalized as something separate from the city itself, which is gorgeous and amazing and full of life and cultural intrigue. Most days I feel guilty for neglecting to explore each and every Sainted street there is, and when I do I feel even more guilty. The moments that the feelings of love for the life around me overwhelm me are unfortunately far too seldom, but when they do they are powerful (to say the least). The majority of the time, however, I still feel like I'm floating around, bumping into people and things, half-committed to doing what I'm doing here and not highly interested in any of it. I'm grateful to have a nice roof over my head, I'm grateful to have some friends here, grateful to have enough money to live and enough food to eat and that I have finally learnt how to cook vegetables. I'm grateful to have learnt enough Spanish at the moment to "get by", even if I do have many moments that still get lost during wild gesticulation. I'm grateful to have all that I need in order to live.

I suppose the rub is that I'm still not really feeling, well... joyful. I mean, seriously Anna, you have everything else, why do you need to feel JOYFUL?? Or, more importantly, why can't you quit your bitchin' and just feel that way?!! Both of these questions are still within my well-seasoned ego's direct line of questioning, believe me. They bore into me like a hot spotlight on the brain.

I know it seems horribly ungrateful for me to be just feeling "okay" in this fantastic place, where so many people I know have felt immense joy and wish they could be right now. Yet still, this feeling of "meh," *shrug* remains. As my mom says, I'm allowed to feel how I feel. I honestly haven't felt joyful in a while...in fact, I'm trying to remember the last time I truly felt joyful. Let's see, this comes to heart: I remember hanging out with my friend Kate on a blanket in Forest Park in St. Louis on a warm, sunny Spring day, eating fruit and talking about life. I felt calm, secure, totally comfortable, un-judged, loved and accepted. This is my happy place.

Entonces, pues, de todos modos...I am going home in a few weeks, and I'm really curious to see how I'll feel there. Maybe it'll help put things in perspective. Maybe it'll just make me realize I need to take anti-depressants again after all and quit my whining. Maybe, just maybe, I'll re-encounter some small missing piece of myself that I can use to repair this little heart and move forward in my adventures, as the fearless, ever-loving Anita. I am praying it's the latter.

If you stay tuned, I promise (at some point) I'll let you know how it all goes. ;)

Much love,
Anna <3

The Twenty-Second Tale: From Evil Baby to Hillbilly Talk...

You never know just how humiliated you can become until you go to another country where you don't know the language, and are trying to learn. Trust me; if you've never had this experience, it's beyond humbling, and it really teaches you a lesson in kindness.

I was talking with my friend and former roommate, Caitlyn, about feeling like a small child when you need to express yourself here in Madrid. The difference is that Caitlyn came to the culture with a relatively good base to learn Spanish, whereas I have never learnt Spanish before in my life (other than the odd Shakira/Selena song). With only bits of Italian and my French ability to draw on, after about three weeks it's difficult not to feel frustrated when I am searching for simple words and phrases. I am a communicator, so to feel like you've had your vocal chords amputated is a very difficult thing to deal with. Though, I have to say, for three weeks and never having learnt any of these things previously, I suppose I'm truly not doing too badly. It's just putting everything together that's really the tough part, and learning past and future tenses of verbs. Even all of my experience as an English teacher couldn't have prepared me for this feeling of helplessness...before, I could sympathize with my students, but not empathize.

It reminds me of a particular phrase from the book "Me Talk Pretty One Day" (sorry, don't have underline option) by David Sedaris, the humorist writer. In it, he talks about his experience going to France and learning the language:

“On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned "Lie down," "Shut up," and "Who shit on this carpet?" The couple across the road taught me to ask questions correctly, and the grocer taught me to count. Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. "Is thems the thoughts of cows?" I'd ask the butcher, pointing to the calves' brains displayed in the front window. "I want me some lamb chop with handles on 'em.”

All I can say is, Amen brother.

Yesterday was the most interesting/awful day I have had in Madrid thus far. Thus far, things have been relatively great, as I've had another American around to help me out when I am lost/confused/completely and totally don't have a clue.

Ok, let me start further back. The past two weeks I have been working but building up my hours slowly. I specifically told my boss that I didn't want too many hours, as I want to spend some time learning Spanish. Then his boss (who is my big boss, apparently) came in and explains to me that I have priority on getting as many hours as possible because I displaced my life from Oxford to Madrid...and as I try to interrupt him to tell him it's okay, I don't intend to horde hours, nor do I really want so many...I see that it is a futile attempt and give up. So, whether or not I want it to, my schedule has been filling up more and more. However, two days ago (Friday) my boss tells me that I will now have a class on Saturday. That was the final straw. I told him that it's necessary for my mental health to have some time to get used to all of this and to take some time off on the weekends, and that even though I'm a trooper, I really would prefer not to work 6 days a week. I mean, I know we Americans have a reputation for being workaholics, but even most of us take two days off per week.

At the time, he was unable to change anything (of course). So, Friday night I rebelled by going out with my American roommate for her final farewell dinner. "Screw getting up at 7am! I'll show them," I cried with maniacal glee. Then I got up at 7am, feeling like shit. I showed them.

Luckily, I managed to make it the 1.5 hours on the train to teach this poor girl for 1.5 hours, then my boss came by the center to answer some questions for me, and we had a chat and he kindly managed to move the morning lesson after all. So, I was very glad about that, but the fact remained that I was feeling a bit disoriented from the night before. Carrying this feeling with me into the day turned out to be a very not good thing when I then had to say goodbye to my roommate, Caitlyn.

Caitlyn has been such a wonderful friend to me here. She's not only hilarious, but she understands the value of handmade birthday cards with Spanish cartoon fruit flies on them. That's a keeper, for sure. She helped me acclimate myself to this city and communicate with the people around me, and she helped me find any resources I needed. She also lent me a large sum of money when I first arrived to Spain to help me pay for my rent without even knowing me very well. I'm fairly certain after having put up with me for that long that she deserves some kind of medal.

In any case, it was such a bummer to say goodbye to her. For the first time here, I really felt alone, lost, scared, helpless...the list of negative adjectives running through my mind went on and on. So, needless to say, I felt pretty bad when I came back but (true to my nature) tried to see the positive side of it. I will be forced to learn Spanish now, okay! I will have to explore more by myself, okay! I will have to learn to be self-sufficient here...okay.

To make myself feel better, I took an offer from one of my former students here to go out and have a "relaxed night with a beer", even though I already somewhere in my mentality knew deep down that a "relaxed night" in Spain still doesn't start until 10pm and lasts until at least 3. I also had a bad feeling about the evening, which I attributed to Caitlyn's leaving and thus shrugged it off. Still, I thought, better that than sitting around in my room moping by myself...right?

I met Oscar, my friend/former student, in Plaza del Sol. I made the wrong choice of wearing a leopard print skirt here, which I'm still not really sure if people wear here or not. It seems to be a bit hit and miss in different countries-for example, in England, leopard print is popular and totally acceptable in accent pieces, in the U.S. it would have been fine, Korea fine, in Paris never (people think you're a prostitute), and I'm not sure on which end of the spectrum it falls in Spain. I only know that I arrived at Sol too early (about 1/2 hour) and spent the first 20 minutes people watching, and in the following 2 minutes I think (still not sure) I was propositioned by some creepy guy who came up and murmured something in Spanish, then just stared at me like I owed him something (which I'm pretty sure I didn't). I told him I didn't speak Spanish, he confirmed to me that I don't speak Spanish, and then walked off. I didn't know exactly what transpired except that I felt slightly more ashamed than I had before.

Anyway, I met Oscar and we headed off to the pub which was nearby, and that was by far the best part of the evening, from 10-12 or so. In hindsight I should have called it a night, as I explained I was exhausted from the night before and not in the mood to be social, but he told me he had a surprise for me-that we were going to meet his friend. I thought, okay, fine, we will meet his friend (who is a girl) and maybe I'll make a new friend. YAY! First he tells me we are going to take a cab there, and I explained to him that as the metro stops at 1:30, I was a bit worried about getting back okay as I still don't know my way around very well yet. He said not to worry, he would help me. So, we headed out and arrived at a small cerveceria (bar), and when we walked up I saw not one girl but four. If this were the U.S. or England or some other English speaking country, I would not feel intimidated in the least, I'd be excited by the prospect of meeting other people. This, however, to me seemed daunting (especially given the way I was feeling). So, the first announcement I make after awkward kissing is that I speak really poor Spanish, and I'm trying to learn, so lo siento.

I think that women in every culture have certain tendencies, and I will say that I still haven't quite figured out Spanish women yet. I, for one, feel that it's really important when you meet new people to talk to them and make them feel comfortable, even if they don't speak your language. Clearly, I spoke enough Spanish to carry on small and polite conversation, so prodding me for more questions would have eventually yielded some kind of result. However, they proceeded to speak as quickly as possible in Spanish and completely ignore me, which made me feel worse and more sorry for myself by the minute. I was glad they were having a good time, but felt really bad for myself and decided after sitting there like some kind of lamp post for two hours with an idiotic grin slapped on my face that I needed to get away from the situation. Clearly, this wasn't the time for me to make best friends, and I sincerely doubted that they would miss me much. Just as I decided this the restaurant closed and everyone needed to vacate the premises anyway, giving me the perfect opportunity to bow out. The funny thing is that as soon as I mentioned leaving, all five girls were on me like flypaper asking why I was going, as if I had committed some kind of heinous and unforgivable crime. For all of the time these people could have talked to me and gotten to know me better, the two hours of stick-up-the-behind awkwardness that occurred, I felt it a bit ironic that at that moment they wanted to get to know me. I really don't get Spanish women.

With Oscar's "help" I managed to get to a bus stop on the corner and onto a bus headed back to Plaza de Cibeles, where there is a bigger bus station that runs night buses around the city. By now it was approximately 2:15 am, more or less. When I got on the bus, I used a ticket which is a monthly pass that Caitlyn had given me. I knew that I wasn't really supposed to use this ticket, because it was hers, but figured, how the hell will they know if it's not mine, and who cares? What's the worst that can happen? (I have since learned not to ask this question). The ticket looks like a metro ticket but it comes in a pouch with the person's information on it, including their picture. I saw Cait using the pass for two weeks without anyone giving her a second glance, so I figured I would be fine-and also, so as not to risk suspicion, I took the ticket out of the pouch to use by itself. Ohhh, naive Anna.

Of all of the buses in all of the city, my bus had the honor of being one of the select few chosen by ticket inspectors for a pop inspection. I fumbled for my ticket and showed them, and immediately they started to puff up-"where is your identification?" one demanded in Spanish. I feigned ignorance at first and told them that my Spanish was very bad, and that I didn't carry identification with me. After a moment of trying to be brave, I stuck my tail between my legs and admitted that it was my friend's, and that she had given it to me when she left the country. They said "your friend has a problem, you can't use this ticket. You have 30 euros?" I told them I would be happy to pay for a ticket and that I didn't have 30 euros. I also told them that I don't usually carry much cash (which is true), but that if they brought me to the nearest ATM I'd be happy to pay them whatever they needed. At that point, I was incredulous at the situation, not to mention really overwhelmed and scared, and would have probably done anything just for them to leave me alone. We got off the bus and I asked where the nearest ATM was, and they said it was about 10 minutes down the road and that they would walk with me. Along the walk, one of the inspectors was being rude and said in a slightly joking manner, in Spanish, "yea she doesn't understand anything"--implying that I was stupid. I said "si, entiendo, pero llegue aqui hace tres semanas..." Which means something along the lines of "actually, I understand, but I just arrived here three weeks ago." If I would have known the word for "dickwad" I would have added it at the end, just for good measure. Then he proceeded to ask me inane questions in Spanish like "do you like ham? What do you eat in the United States?" I'm fairly certain he was just messing with me. Clearly, if 5 of these "ticket inspectors" could come with me all the way to the ATM and didn't have more important things to do, it shows what difficult work being a ticket inspector is.

Anyway, humiliated after being marched through Seoul like a prostitute caught for working the streets (which clearly I was because I was wearing a leopard print skirt), I compromised myself by taking out 40 Euro from the cash machine (hey, might as well get some extra if I gotta do it) and giving them 30 of them. With that, they wrote me a receipt (how nice)-I'm sure it wasn't a ticket, I asked- and gave me back the illegal pass, which I explained to them I didn't need if I couldn't use it, but they gave it back anyway. They then asked me if I knew where to go to catch my bus and told me directions, and seemed genuinely concerned about me getting there. I apologized and played the innocent foreigner card, and they said "it's okay, and thank you." After that all that was left was for me to lick my wounds.

When I got back to my place I realized that my landlady was coming in the morning, because there is a new flatmate moving in today, and I didn't know what time she (the landlady) would arrive. I set my alarm for 12 and called it a night.

This morning at 10am, I got a call and it was my landlady, who is here now, invading the space. I know it may seem politically incorrect to be annoyed by one's landlady when that person actually owns the apartment, so technically you're the one invading their space. However, I'm paying, so it's still my space, and I hate having her here because even though she's sweet she is a bit nosy, as most landladies are traditionally (in my experience-though nothing was worse than the landlady in Korea). However, as I am writing this my landlady has come into my room and is cleaning my floor, which is very nice but which I did not ask her to do (nor have I any desire for her to do), especially because that means she's even more in my space, not to mention she's cleaning with something that smells like almost straight ammonia and my eyes are beginning to water. Joder.

So...today, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, upset, anxious, again those negative feelings. I also stupidly signed myself up for an intensive Spanish course next week, which means that I will have no time in the day or evenings for teaching prep, so I need to do it all today AND I have a new roommate coming and I have no idea what time, so I will have to be slightly antisocial.

I know in my positive self that it could have been worse last night, and if they didn't catch me that time maybe they would have caught me at another even more embarrassing or inconvenient time. I knew I wasn't supposed to use the pass, so that was my risk...and I take it as a sign from God that I am totally and completely incapable of lying or being an unethical person. Every time in my life that I try to get away with something, no matter how small, I'm put in check...so, thanks God, I guess ;). haha.

I also know that this coming week will be tough, but I can see positivity in the future. I know that I'm not really alone here, even if it seems that way, and this is all part of the experience. Still, I haven't let loose crying yet, and I'm feeling like that may be the thing to do-just wish I could, to relieve some stress. It's like being emotionally constipated.

As I've mentioned before, I think that people don't always know the challenges that come along with traveling or living in new countries. Don't get me wrong-I chose this lifestyle for myself and I am fully conscious of that, and I appreciate the positive aspects of it. I think, though, that sometime in the near future this kind of lifestyle will not be for me anymore. It's too stressful. I really need support of other people that I care about around. So, I am grateful for the support I have from my friends and family back in St. Louis, Florida and around the world, and I'm grateful for the people who have made themselves available to me here.

I just pray it gets easier, and that my hillbilly talk progresses into slightly uneducated adult talk.
In any case...prayers/wishes for well-being are always appreciated, as usual.

Love and miss you all,
<3 <3 <3,
Anna

The Twenty-First Tale: Take a Chance, Take a Chance, Take a Chance...:)

As I live my life here every day, I can't help but think what an amazing life I have led thus far, and what an amazing life I continue to lead. I thank God, Spirit, the Universe, the amazing Universal Force that is so incredibly good to me...whatever label you want to slap on it. I am being taken care of, forever and always.

Let's list the blessings...first, I am truly living; I feel alive. I am in a different country, and have (with the help of many others) been able to prove to myself that I am confident enough to live on my own in another country and make it work-including such things as finding a job, a place to live, making my own money, and being able to teach ESL to adults (which I never thought I could do before).

I continue to be surrounded by incredible, loving people, who support me through all of this. I mean, how many people have a family that is so unselfish and supportive that they sit by and encourage their child to travel halfway across the world, even when it's incredibly hard for them to have that child away?

Then, there are my friends, who happily listen to my random freak-outs about where I'm going to be next or what I'm going to do, offering their wisdom, advice, love, and patience. Mind you, these are friends who are located in different places all across the globe. How cool is that?

So, on that note, things here are really great. I got a full-time job teaching in Oxford, where I am currently, and had been working here for the last two weeks when I was offered another job teaching full-time in Madrid. I had been feeling really uneasy the last couple of weeks about staying in England...even though the opportunity was amazing, and it certainly didn't look bad on the resume, I still felt that something was missing. I took the job offer as a sign from the universe that Madrid was still an option, and perhaps just what I needed. After a hard week of hemming and hawing over the options, I decided that I would take a chance.

In two weeks, I'm headed to Madrid to start yet another ESL adventure. I have secured a room in a flat already rented by my friend Caitlyn, and I'm really excited to be living with her (and the one other flatmate, a 35 year old man from Northern Spain named Oscar who is apparently very nice and easy to live with). I have a little over two weeks before I start the job to explore the city and settle into the new place, and just relax and mentally prepare. I feel that's a great idea before this transition!

England has been a lot of fun. I've met really great people at my job, and I am sad in a lot of ways to leave. This current job has given me the confidence to start my new one...so, very grateful to have had that experience. When I first started I was terrified to teach grammar, but I have to say I've been learning as I've gone along and it's been great. I currently teach adults from all over the world, so it will be a bit sad to not have that crazy mix of students and not be able to discuss cross-cultural differences (which has been really wonderful at this job!). However, I am sure there will be benefits to teaching the new students as well, just have to find that out once I start teaching.


The weather here feels like fall already, so it will be very strange to go from the cool air to the very hot and humid. However, weather in the winter in Madrid I'm sure will be much more pleasant than the weather in England...!

Anyway...wish me luck all, I'm so grateful to have you in my life...keep the positive energy coming my way! <3

Much, much love,
Anna :) <3

The Twentieth Tale: Be Warned, Holy Longness...Filling You In! :D

Oh my..SO much has happened since my last entry here-I have covered a lot of ground. I have sat down to write new blogs several times, only to be interrupted by the temptation to get off of my computer and enjoy my surroundings (as most of the places I've been to thus far I have only had a few days to enjoy). I also was an idiot and didn't think about the fact that the UK has a different plug than the rest of Europe, so my computer and my phone were both dead on and off for large periods of time until I got off my arse and went to find an adapter. SO, I'll try to catch you up as briefly as possible on the places I've been, and then discuss the current happenings...:

After leaving Jesi (the little town near Ancona I was in), I went to Ravenna for a couple of days to hang out by the sea and see a concert (indie band called The Pains of Being Pure at Heart). I ended up staying in a very lovely hostel called "Ostello Dante". The staff there were extraordinarily kind and interesting, and they made my stay really enjoyable. They are all also from very diverse backgrounds-one is Kenyan but grew up between Italy/Kenya, one is half German, half Italian and speaks Italian, German, and English, and one is French and speaks French, Italian and English. They are so cool that they even let me friend them on Facebook, and the Kenyan guy named Omar has offered to host me on a trip to Kenya in December (which I am definitely considering). When you travel a lot, you realize just how few languages you know in comparison to the rest of the world, and how much world there is still left to see. It's truly insane.

Ravenna was a nice town; quiet and very ethnically diverse. The beach there, in my opinion, wasn't quite as nice as the one in Senegallia, but it was also a lot more crowded. Just depends on which beach scene you prefer.

After Ravenna, I flew to Paris from Bologna Airport. I was excessively irritated in Bologna, as the airport there was kind of crappy and the information people kept telling me I could log on and pay for internet with my laptop, but that seemed to be a dirty lie. To make matters worse, as I was sitting down with the cash change I'd gotten, a man came and accidentally "tripped" over me, and he said sorry in Italian and touched my head, which I thought was weird, but didn't think much of it. I looked down a minute later and realized he'd gotten my cash. It was only about 15 euro, thank goodness, but still was enough to piss me off. Then, when the internet wouldn't work I went back to the info desk and they just acted like I was insane. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to write down my cousin's cell phone number to put in my new phone, so I needed that info as I was headed to her place. I had pretty bad cell reception there and had to dance around the room while trying to talk my mom through logging onto my Facebook account and getting into my messages to get the info. By the end of that, I was feeling pretty cranky and decided to go for a beer. I noticed a group of English speaking guys across the room who were also drinking beers, and they saw me and invited me to join them. Turns out they were a group of Croatian guys who had just finished a stint on an oil rig, and they were just celebrating their return home. They were really great guys, and by the end of our time together they had all offered their homes and families as hosts to me if I should decide to visit Croatia (which they raved about).

Eventually, I made my way to Paris, to the Bastille area and then to my cousin's little apartment. I was laughing when she greeted me at the top of the stairs, because every time I first see my cousin it seems I am always sweaty and carrying luggage! ;) While it was really good to see a familiar face, I was having a pretty hard time in Paris, feeling shuffled around again. Whenever I move back and forth from place to place so much, I always crave stability. I think this is really normal, but it can be hard to keep things in perspective sometimes when that happens, and my first instinct is always to rush back to familiar places and people. Even with that, I had a really lovely time hanging out for a few days and journaling at the Jardin des Tuileries, one of my favorite spots there.

My next move was to England, where I am currently. I arrived in London at City Airport, and found the transport system really easy-I was able to get to my destination at Eden Park really quickly, without much of a struggle.

My first impressions of Oakfield House, where I was staying (in Beckenham, Kent, Southeast London) were like something out of a Jane Austen novel. As I walked out of the train station, the vegetation was what immediately struck me; the trees were of a large Oak variety that have distinct, heavy leaves and twisty trunks that only English trees can have. My friend Caroline came to meet me out of the gate, and she led me to a beautiful little room inside of the mansion where we were staying. This had apparently been the conductor's house, and the side facing the station (even though it was the back of the house) was much more ornately done than the front side, so as to keep up appearances.

Caroline's family are all from this area, so she was my tour guide. She took me to an area near Bromley called Crystal Palace, to a Pub she liked, which also quickly became one of my favorites. This was called the White Hart Pub, and it's definitely a place I want to go back to. The staff were really friendly and it was just a relaxed and happy place. I even made friends with a bartender named Victor (or Awot, he goes by both)-he was (and is) a really interesting guy. He is the first Eritrean I've ever met (and I will admit, I had never heard of Eritrea...)!

The things I love about traveling always come so clear once I do it-mainly, meeting other people, and learning about other cultures and places. I realize once I am doing it just how ABSOLUTELY necessary it is to understanding other people in the world and other cultures. I personally don't understand how people could not want to learn about other cultures. It is so essential in life to learn that there are other people in the world who think or act differently than you do, and to learn how to be humble and adaptive to other environments. As soon as I start to think I'm "different" from most Americans, that I am more well-traveled, I make some sort of cultural faux-pas and then am forced to learn from it. I know there is so much more to be learned from this world and the people in it...so I have to keep going. I think that, no matter what, I will always want to travel and learn.

Most importantly, this is such good research for helping other Americans to be able to learn about other cultures. I don't pretend to be an expert on any culture I have visited, but it certainly helps to dispell certain myths or preconceived notions many Americans may have about certain cultures.

So-now I am in Oxford, England, UK, at St. Hilda's University. I am teaching at a summer camp called Bucksmore Summer Programmes, a reputable company accredited by the British Council. The first few days I came in were really rough, because I had to do airport transfers right off the bat and I hadn't even got my bearings yet in Oxford. To make matters worse, I couldn't find the bus stop and the bus was late to go to the airport, and when I tried to call my manager on the company cell phone I found out it hadn't been topped up. All I could envision was some poor 13-year-old running around the airport, helplessly looking for me, and I wouldn't be there. Luckily, I managed to be there on time and met the kid, who looks more like he's 16 than 13, and he just happened to be with his dad. It was slightly awkward because of course I was exhausted and super stressed from running around and had to put on a happy face and pretend like I knew exactly where I was going. The father also kept asking me all of these questions about Oxford and London, and of course I had no idea what to tell him, so I ended up sort of half bullshitting, "oh yes, I think so" and then just telling him that I was "still getting to know the area myself" and that I would be "happy to ask a manager and find out for him", which we all know is basically code for "I have no f*cking clue, and please stop asking me thank you very much".

Thankfully, I made it back in one piece, and soon all of the other kids started to appear. Now at the camp there are kids from Russia, Poland, Romania, Serbia, Slovakia, Ukraine, Germany, Italy, Spain, France, Turkey, and Lebanon. The kids are aged 13-17 and are low-level beginners to advanced-level English speakers. They are all really happy to tell you about their respective countries, and it really gives them a good reason to speak English. In the beginning, they were really sticking to their own cultural groups, but they seem to be comfortable enough now with each other that they are trying to speak to each other in English. I am learning so much from them all! It's really nice because they are old enough that they can discuss things like political systems and current events, and they are so smart and passionate about the world.

The camp has been much better since the transfer days, and I have had the opportunity to go on excursions with the kids so far to Bath and to Stratford and Warwick Castle. It was amazing to go inside a castle that truly looks like a typical castle! :) It offered a gorgeous view of the town as well. The people I work with have been an interesting mix-two directors, both English nationals but one who grew up in Australia and lives in Greece, and then an English Centre Manager who is also English but lives in Italy now. The other teachers range from being my age to twice my age, with two guys, one who has taught in Sardinia and Taiwan and one who has taught in Canada and China. Then there are two girls, one who is Kenyan (caucasian tho, 4th generation Kenyan) and has been teaching in Oxford the last month already, and one who is Serbian, Lebanese and Turkish but who lives in Edinborough, Scotland (and loves salsa dancing).

I really love England's climate and vegetation (English roses...GORGEOUS!). I love the feeling of quiet calm that comes along with being in Oxford, but I definitely feel I'm more of a London person. I think I would really like being in a place such as south London, where there are more suburb like areas that aren't far from the city. Oxford is nice but is a bit too conservative feeling for me I think to be here full-time. I have definitely decided that if I can do it, I am going to stay in England when I finish my job here. I am going to do my best to get a job in London! :)

Anyway, I have so much more I could write about, but this blog is ridiculously long. I apologize to anyone whom I haven't been able to have a coherent conversation with for the last month and a half...it truly has been a crazy experience, but a really great one as well. I also apologize that this blog isn't as detailed as I'd like it to be for each one experience, mainly because I've had so many these last few weeks. In any case, I am really glad that I am feeling better about things now, even though I do still miss friends and family (and always will, wherever I am!).

Glad I got a chance to fill everyone in! Hope you are all doing fabulously well.

Much love, XOXO,
Anna banana :D