The Thirty-First Tale: Welcome to the Claassrroommm...(AKA Dance, Monkey, Dance, or "The Life of Anna Teacher": you choose)!

Oh my, it has been a very long time since I've written here--sorry all!

I guess I shouldn't start every entry that way; my blog posting is sporadic as it has always been.  Is there any surprise there?  No. Will it change in the future? Maybe, but probably not.  So, I suppose there's no need to be apologetic about it--it is what it is, like me, an ever-changing entity :D.

SO, let me revise my opening line: HEEEELLLLLOOOOOO EVVEEERYYYBODDDDYY!!!!!!!!!

This is generally how I greet my children when I'm teaching a kindergarten class.  In response, they will say, "HEEELLLLOOOOOOOO ANNA TEACHER!!!!!!!!!!!" Then I force them to do this about three more times by repeating the question until they become so obnoxiously loud that even I can't stand it.  Is it narcissism?  Possibly.  But c'mon, everyone knows it's fun to hear your name shouted a few times over (get your mind out of the gutter--we're talking about children here).

These days, I am still teaching on the hagwon (private academy) circuit.  These are short-term (one year) contracted gigs which offer attractive benefits to foreigners in order to come and be made into show monkeys for the Korean parents.  Other than this, one really doesn't have to have any special skills (you do have to have a university degree, also to show the parents in case they ask).  If you can do the "Dance, Monkey, Dance!" routine, then you are a shoe-in.

The particular one I'm working at is located in Northwest Seoul, close to Ahyeon Station.  I am not saying there are not challenges that come with my job; trust me, there are many, many challenges.  In fact, there are students such as those my boyfriend has, who are...let's just be PC about it and say, 'special'.  He has one particular boy who, when angered, finds joy in biting things furiously.  Not people, but objects.  Give him a fork or a spoon or any toy in sight and he's happy, well...angry, as a clam.  Though nobody has ever proven that clams are truly happy or angry yet, to my knowledge.  I'd like to see some data.

As far as my students go, I also have some very interesting ones.  Victor (I insist on calling him Victor Victorious in a mock superhero voice), a student who is about 12 years old in my afternoon classes, likes to keep the whole class entertained, literally the whole class time, by singing renditions of your and my favorite classic American songs from the 1950s+, as well as any song from a musical you can name.  The kid actually has a very nice voice, so most of the time I don't mind.  However, coupled with the actions and competing mousy voice of Jay, a nervous, nine year-old twitchy kid who cannot stop blinking and constantly asks, "Teacher, what?" strategically after I have explained the directions directly to him as slowly and clearly as humanly possible, five or six times, this proves to be too often overwhelming for even one American English monkey teacher.

The whole class goes something like this:

Me: HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO, VICTOR VICTORIOUS!!!!
Victor: Hello, teacher.
Jay: Teacher, teacher, you bring hamburger?? I want beef. I can eat whole cow.
Me: No Jay, I did not bring beef. Or a cow.
Jay: Teacher gimme doughnut.
Me: Why? You think you should get a doughnut? What makes you think you should have a doughnut?

(I use simplified language, because Jay does not know the word "deserve" yet)

Victor is poring over his book calmly.

Victor (without looking up): Jay, be quiet.

Jay proceeds to stand up and open his mouth like he will possibly bite Victor, sticking his face in his face, then decides to make a pucker like a kiss at the last minute.  Victor pushes his face violently away.

Victor: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? TEACHER,  HE IS GAY!!! GAY!!!!! (Giggling)
Jay: Hee hee hee...hee hee.  I not gay.  You are LESBIAN!!!!!!!

I am just watching the scene unfold, because these kinds of things happen so often in this class.

Me: Okay, okay.  Jay, sit down.  Victor, who cares if he's gay.  Gay people are people, too.  Jay, who cares if Victor is a lesbian.  Lesbians are cool, too.  Take out your book.

Victor starts in with his rendition of "Take my Breath Away", which becomes a mash up with "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Miserables.  Jay is still standing up, with his coat still on, backpack untouched.

Alice (third student) quietly observes this, book out, pencil ready, smirking to herself.

Alice: Teacher, I think they are both crazy!!!!!!!!!

I nod and sigh.  Welcome to my class.

One of the larger and lesser acknowledged challenges of teaching English is not that of classroom discipline, but miscommunication with one's students (particularly when they are trying to explain something to you).  These days, I have been teaching using books that contain stories from some Asian culture (usually Chinese or Korean).  As I have little control over the curriculum, I did not choose these books and the stories, I find, are hit or miss; most often they are inane.

For example, one story is about a mean Mother-in-Law who is constantly screaming at her Daughter-in-Law, and her Daughter-in-Law is deathly afraid of her.  She is so afraid that she doesn't eat anything, and she is always forced to do the housework and cook for the family.  So, on New Year's Day, the Daughter-in-Law is making Tteokguk (rice cake soup) for them, and she cannot resist the smell of the dumplings in the soup.  As she puts one in her mouth, the Mother-In-Law comes in and screams, "You GREEDY GIRL!!!!!!"  As a result, the Daughter-in-Law chokes on the dumpling and dies.  At her burial, the family hears a cuckoo bird as it flies over her grave saying, "Tteok-guk! Tteok-guk!" So they believe that the girl has turned into a cuckoo.  Period.  The end.  Story's over.  What lesson did you learn??  Enter please: _______________________________________________.

Anyway, I digress.  Before we read these stories in class, there are discussion questions coupled with a picture in the book.  As my students all hate the book and the stories (they think it's very boring, and I quite agree with them) we often distract ourselves by stretching these conversation questions out as long as humanly possible.  On one particular occasion such as this, we were discussing the question, "Do you have a pet?", and my students quickly told me about another student in the class, Amy's, pet.  They explained that she had two crawfish.  Amy herself went on and on about how cute they were, etc.  Then one of the other students, Emma, suddenly got a sad look on her face.

"But, teacher!", she said, "One pet is die!"

I figured this meant that one of the crawfish died, and I asked Amy to confirm. Amy smiled a little bit sadly, and she said, "Yes, yes teacher.  One is die, but we had no food! There is no food in the house!"

I took this to mean that her family had gotten so desperate for food, or maybe she was in the house alone with no snack, that she killed and ate her beloved crawfish.  I looked at her, incredulously.

"Amy, you ATE your pet crawfish? What?! How could you!!!"  It felt bad being so accusatory, but I was truly slightly horrified at the heart of it all.

Amy said, "TEACHER, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!  The crawfish is starve."

Again, I shook my head. "Wait, wait, wait...you ate your crawfish after it starved to death?!"

"TEACHER, NOOOOOOOOOO!!! The crawfish is starve, it had no food.  But we did not eat!"

The whole class burst into giggles together, which lasted about 5 minutes.  I came to find out that Amy's pet crawfish had starved because apparently they eat a special kind of red worm that is only attainable at a fish store in some faraway land.  Or at least, that's what they explained to me. I'm still not really sure.  Still and all, Amy assures me that (even though this is Korea where they eat silk worm larvae) they did not eat her pet crawfish (affectionately named Alexander).

That's enough for today's tale...I will get back to you soon (or maybe not) with more from the life of Anna Teacher.

<3,
Me :)




    

The Twenty-First Tale: Take a Chance, Take a Chance, Take a Chance...:)

As I live my life here every day, I can't help but think what an amazing life I have led thus far, and what an amazing life I continue to lead. I thank God, Spirit, the Universe, the amazing Universal Force that is so incredibly good to me...whatever label you want to slap on it. I am being taken care of, forever and always.

Let's list the blessings...first, I am truly living; I feel alive. I am in a different country, and have (with the help of many others) been able to prove to myself that I am confident enough to live on my own in another country and make it work-including such things as finding a job, a place to live, making my own money, and being able to teach ESL to adults (which I never thought I could do before).

I continue to be surrounded by incredible, loving people, who support me through all of this. I mean, how many people have a family that is so unselfish and supportive that they sit by and encourage their child to travel halfway across the world, even when it's incredibly hard for them to have that child away?

Then, there are my friends, who happily listen to my random freak-outs about where I'm going to be next or what I'm going to do, offering their wisdom, advice, love, and patience. Mind you, these are friends who are located in different places all across the globe. How cool is that?

So, on that note, things here are really great. I got a full-time job teaching in Oxford, where I am currently, and had been working here for the last two weeks when I was offered another job teaching full-time in Madrid. I had been feeling really uneasy the last couple of weeks about staying in England...even though the opportunity was amazing, and it certainly didn't look bad on the resume, I still felt that something was missing. I took the job offer as a sign from the universe that Madrid was still an option, and perhaps just what I needed. After a hard week of hemming and hawing over the options, I decided that I would take a chance.

In two weeks, I'm headed to Madrid to start yet another ESL adventure. I have secured a room in a flat already rented by my friend Caitlyn, and I'm really excited to be living with her (and the one other flatmate, a 35 year old man from Northern Spain named Oscar who is apparently very nice and easy to live with). I have a little over two weeks before I start the job to explore the city and settle into the new place, and just relax and mentally prepare. I feel that's a great idea before this transition!

England has been a lot of fun. I've met really great people at my job, and I am sad in a lot of ways to leave. This current job has given me the confidence to start my new one...so, very grateful to have had that experience. When I first started I was terrified to teach grammar, but I have to say I've been learning as I've gone along and it's been great. I currently teach adults from all over the world, so it will be a bit sad to not have that crazy mix of students and not be able to discuss cross-cultural differences (which has been really wonderful at this job!). However, I am sure there will be benefits to teaching the new students as well, just have to find that out once I start teaching.


The weather here feels like fall already, so it will be very strange to go from the cool air to the very hot and humid. However, weather in the winter in Madrid I'm sure will be much more pleasant than the weather in England...!

Anyway...wish me luck all, I'm so grateful to have you in my life...keep the positive energy coming my way! <3

Much, much love,
Anna :) <3

The Twelfth Tale: Smells Like Twenty-Something Spirit...or Norwegian Cod?

27 is, I think, one of the strangest ages in your life. Or at least, it seems to be for me. Wait, WAIT a minute, you say--- what's that? I haven't even TURNED 27 yet! Yes folks, right now I am 26 years old. It is May 4th, 2011, and on June 9th, 2011, I will turn 27. However, somehow I am already treating myself like I have turned 27 and for some reason, this is an incredible catalyst that seems to be hurling me over the medieval stone wall and into my early 30s as we speak.

The ovaries have a lot to do with it, I know. Us ladies get to a time in our lives (which begins at about age 25, I believe) where we can feel our eggs moving through our lady tubes faster than sand through an hourglass. "PROCREATE, PROOOOCCRRREEEAAATTTEEE!!!!!" they scream. When they're inside of your body and regulated by hormones who are triggered by chemical reactions in your brain, you can't really help but listen in some way, shape, or form. Some of us may try madly to find someone to mate with, convinced that if we haven't found someone by the time we're 30 than we've failed and then we're totally worthless. Some girls try to cover up this urge by having massive amounts of casual sex; others, like me, simply go about their lives and try to wildly deny these urges altogether as they are in sharp contradiction to what our rational minds tell us we simply have to get accomplished (by the time we're 30, of course. Then our hands and brains and tongues and ovaries all shrivel up and we are completely husbandless and useless altogether).

In addition to the body's urgency to tell you to find a mate, many of us may also experience a wild scrambling to figure out what we 'want to do with our lives', as if at 30 there will be an iron gate suddenly cutting us off from all others besides our spouse and children and shutting us out of any places other than those which we decide to call "home", and "work", and we will no longer be able to function outside of those entities at all. Socially, we feel we will not be accepted unless we have places to nest and to recognize ourselves by. I'm not sure which weirds me out more- the fact that you're not supposed to have an identity BEFORE 30, or the fact that you must decide on one at that point and stick with it for the rest of your life.

Along these same lines, I'd like to discuss another thing that I find pretty strange. When I tell people about the kind of work that I have been doing, teaching ESL and traveling, 9.8 times out of ten they say to me, "that's great, do it now, while you can" (the last three words are always either "while you can" or "while you're young"). This means one of two things: either this has become the conditioned response to people discussing their travels, like "I'm fine" : "how are you?", or people actually believe this is true-which really gives more weight to my iron gate theory. I mean, nomadic cultures did/still do it. There are army brats still alive to tell the tale of their crazy childhoods. There's even spouses who (GASP) travel while the other spouse stays at home. Look; I'm not blind to the logistical and mental challenges that arise once one does decide to have a family and children, I'm only saying that it's not absolutely impossible, as everyone else seems to think (or, maybe the problem is really that they don't think because they don't really care).

Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to be about all that (haha). Really, it was supposed to tell you all about the fact that I always seem to have a hard time deciding when it should be that I will 'settle down' (see above for definition of this term), or at least go back to grad school, which would be the largest commitment to staying in one place for an extended period of time that I've had in about 8 years (with, hopefully, the exception of an overseas practicum). At this point (27, er, 26) I can see the exact outline of a project that I really want to complete, which may evolve into several other projects and requires that I go back to grad school. The problem with this is that I really have an almost constant urgency to start this project, and then another opportunity to learn something else and do something else seems to present itself that is just too COOL to pass up. Not to mention, it adds to the resume and gives me more experiences which will eventually help with said project. While I am grateful for these opportunities, sometimes they seem endless, and therefore I feel overwhelmed- as if this project is floating up in the clouds somewhere and magical unicorns are just tossing it back and forth with their spiky, luminescent horns (or maybe that's just the acid I'm on...haha...KIDDING folks, seriously. You would know if I were on acid because I would imagine I would probably be writing something like this: sittyyyy doooooahhhhhehe plsdhuf dh. fh.). I digress.

To give you an example: I recently found out about the amount of Fulbright Scholarships that are available for people who want to go teach English in a foreign country. You don't even have to be a REAL teacher, only an "English Language Assistant"! I imagine this involves eating cotton candy all day long and occasionally turning a movie on once in a while while I go check my Facebook (which is pretty much what I'm doing now anyway, minus the cotton candy). Okay, maybe not. But still, it is seriously less involved as you only teach about 20-30 literal (not teaching) hours per week, and live on a stipend given to you as part of the scholarship. So, what did I do today? I spent the entire day writing an essay on why I just HAVE to go to NORWAY to be an English Language Assistant in 2012. I hope these people can't smell bullshit, because I imagine the kind I'm puttin out there smells something like Norwegian Cod. I really just think going to Norway would be cool. I feel there is injustice in the fact that I can't just write that same line over and over again 500 times and be accepted to this wonderful program. At least it'd be original (if only slightly redundant). Harumpfh.

Well, who knows where I'll end up. Cod fishing in Norway, sewing with Peruvians, riding ponies in Iceland?? Or perhaps, even wilder, BACK IN THE U.S.

Only time will tell.

Until the next tale...
Anna <3