So I'm going to take a break from the outrage I've been expressing concerning the U.S. Government and what's going on right now politically (yes, you can all breathe a sigh of relief for a moment) to express something that's on my mind this morning: how our actions affect other people.
I woke up too early and can't get back to sleep (It's 5:23 as of now, I am supposed to get up at 6, woke up at 5...don't you hate that when that happens? I so do). You know what happens when you can't go back to sleep...your mind starts to wander. My mind this morning was wandering about how the actions of others can affect so many people.
On the negative side, I was thinking about some of my mom's family members on her mom's side (there is about a 0.0000001% chance of any of them reading this, so not to worry). Not her immediate family, mind you, but some select ones further down the line. These particular people have estranged not just my mom over the years, but her entire family (including me). On an everyday basis, I don't really think about them, but occasionally I do and I start to get upset about it. You see, my mom was born Jewish into a pretty wealthy family. When she married my dad, she not only married someone who wasn't very wealthy, but he was older, a foreigner, and raised in a Catholic family (basically, she hit the trifecta ;). When my mom married my dad, she essentially converted to Christianity, but it was of her own accord. Still, the mystery remains as to why these people just won't accept any of us. Is it because of one of these many things? Are we not wealthy enough? Are they pissed about my mom's conversion? Or are we just too plain 'weird' for their taste?
The strange thing is that I HAVE NO CLUE; none of us do. These particular feelings have never been expressed on their side, and whenever we encounter these people, they act like everything's fine and normal, are pretty darn friendly even. Yet, over the years we have been excluded from certain family events. At one point, my mom saw one of these family members and that person expressed interest in getting together with my family...however, no matter how much my mom tried, they never could get a date set. Some of these family members who are closer to my age are nice to me when I see them...over the years, I have tried to communicate with them, even go so far as to see if they would like to get together...but every time I try, it's worthless.
It just goes to show that our actions, no matter how small, DO affect others. We might think that they don't matter, but even now, at almost 27 years old, I feel hurt because of their actions (or, non-action). So...the question for me is, should I express my feelings at some point and give them a chance to tell me why they behave this way, or do we just let these kinds of things go?
It makes me reflect on my own actions, and I'll just take the opportunity in this blog to express regret to anyone I have caused pain: if there's anyone who has been hurt by me, I'm very, very sorry.
Anyway...I intend to use the lesson that they have taught me, and devote some more time spreading love to others instead of ignoring them. It's always a good wake-up call.
Much, much love...xoxo,